I am reaching out one last time! maybe you can help?

i use to be somebody people woul dcome to for advice, always puttin gthere problems on my shoulders, i never minded much, i was able to fix relationships and people would cry to me an di would be strong when they couldnt and i was there for them, then i saw the true them when i started going through a rough time they didnt have time to help me, it left me wondering if i was such a great person to them so they say and everyone came to me for help, who am i suppose to go to when i get down when i feel lost and hopeless, when i need love, when i need a TRUE friend. i styarted posting questions up on here and the situation ha snot changed much but i noticd i lost interest in everythign i loved and enjoyed, i lost the girl of my dreams and i even bought her a ring i am still going to give it her and let her know i am here for when ever she decides she does not want be with my best friend anymore? i just dont see how my brother could betray me an dtake my other ex with my child from me how my fatehr can say i was a curden hislfie, and how my only one true i used to go to kille dhimself last week and never said a wor dnor acted depressed, i am wonderign when is it my time, i have tried for so long i am now on day number EIGHT NOT ONE MINUTE OF SLEEP! i am not comfortable with a proffesional, i just dont understand how everything could happen so sudden all at once basically... i just want to be able to hold someone i love in my arms and for once have someone tell me it will be ok to LOOK ME IN THE EYES and say its going to be ok, why does betrayal have to be so F*#*ing dominant in my life i am asking someone to guide me the right way cause i dont wher ei am heading i have not eaten for three days and i am still not hungry lost sleep eight days, and i do not even feel angry anymore just a heavy heart heart i mean like i can feel the weight in my chest or it could be my cancer, did i mention i finally went to that doctor appointment i had been putting off the pain fro years now and it turns out since i didnt seek any medical treatment they said its to late for treament to start, so whats to stop me from just ending it all i know its emo sounding but i do not how else to put it, can anyone help me by givign soem advice mayeb personal experience on how to deal with stress, anyhtign i am begging to hold onto something, i am reachign out one last time is anybody there?